Confused Soul - 2

The day came when she had her 22nd birthday..!

I was thinking what to do to be special, i was kinda cutoff from the world she was in..
Emotionally..,

it was feeling bad.. i tried to break the barrier of simple physics.. i was transportin myself to the area 51, where she lives in.. i tried., i tried., i failed.. but then., why sudnt i feel for her.. why cudnt i think abt that at first..

I had this gut feeling that she would also be missing my presence over there.. even though theres nothing left behind to fill up the spoilers in between me and her., i tried to reduce the gap which started to diminish in its size..

I knew well., what?..? i really dint knw anythng... i travelled in imaginations, those few spilt seconds were really sweet., i turned back to reality to find that the path to the eternal pleasure is not always filled with petals.. we have to cross through the sharp toned thorns..!! i was ready to do that..

But i found sumthng pulling me back., trying to stop me from what am doin.. i cudnt get the real motive from the force which was ceasing me from my feelings..

I know., that once a glass is broken, its impossible to mend.. but still our heart wonders whether it can be re-produced in its own form..

My mind was in virtual war with my heart.. The heart which illusions things doesnt get the vision our mind has.. i started travellin little more philosopical., which really i really dint tend to..

Now, back to basics, i wanted to express my feelings back to her... I dint know whether it will work out.. but i was sure that there would be no repercussions since she was too matured this time from the schooling period.. she has gone through a lot of stuffz which had maked me more core than the mantle..

i could feel the heart beating a little slower with even missin and skippin a one or a couple in between..!! i was rigid that i still love her., i was adamant to reveal my feelings..

But., then i thought., Whats the expectations i have was not defined to myself., i dint know what should i have a reply as.. i dint know what i sud react for a possible three replies., i dint know what can be the reflections.. in simple.. i dint know WHAT I WANT..!!

Now, i was enlightened., why she called me a CONFUSED SOUL..!! i was getting all my answers from a simple word she addressed me with.. i cared for her but still am carin for her asusual.. i have affections, feelings, emotions all towards her still...i love her., but i failed in proving its worth before.. then whats the necessity in playin a spoil sport now..

I was clear. I am clear now.. The only things that was running between my heart and mind was won by my conscience that love can only be felt and never can be forced.. its like the wind which runs thru all over still we cant catch it and hold it in our hand.. we have to leave it to stroll thru this earth to make sure that it does get feeled by our face when goin towards it..

Expectations die, when you really feel for someone.. Am not confused.. but i LOVE her..

World is full of hearts, its just a spark that decides your companions.. its not a inventory..!! its all that instinct.. thats why love is the first basic instinct god created... Love you dear..!! its all cos of ya..!! the world included..!!

AIZY

Shape Of my Heart !

We watch movies., get to mingle with the emotions., few do leave the after-effects on us..

Each and every one in this spherical earth have their time spent vivaciously in a funny mood., it all happens when ya in the company of friends, parents, lovers, even sumtimes in ya classroom.. We have a thinking of how the hell the hour hand travels so fast when accompanied by sumone from opposite sex esp.

All well said., but do we really justify our acts.. do we really show our true feelings.. We hide a lot., just for the sake of not being embarrassed or not to hurt the feelings of others.. we live our life mostly in compromises., sometimes we let off, sometimes we get let off..!

Amazingly, what does the maximal damage of our thinking ability is the compromise or sacrifice we do out of compulsion.. this things never gets out of our mind until and unless we get the work/wish paid back.. so., we don't live up to the happiest moments truthfully.. am i not right..

Love is somethings which can be kept out of this topic.. cos love as i believe is the heap of mis-treatments and mis-decisions.. yet, its sweet.. so.., taking things normally between friends..!! we hardly ever care about our neighbor., nor he does.. so we compromise.. we don't care whether we behave humane to our roommate., colleague., classmate., friend... we believe always that what we do is the satanic verses!!

Same on the other side., but have u ever sat alone and gave a thinking about the reasons behind any action that u have done on that day., can u justify anything to ya heart.. mind gets u a lot of versatile solutions..!! but what matters is., whats there in living high when ya true identity is lying so low..

Try this sometime., if you are strong hearted.. be in a room, all alone, lights off, close ya eyes, think of ya best friend, and think what you can do to make him happy.. you will get lots of ideas., you would be flourished with memories, the good part of him/her.. Now., switch on the light and think about the same with ya eyes open.. If ya can feel the difference., you are a human, a normal soul..!! If not., you are SACRED..

We never ever give the same respect for our aides., not even a part of what we give for the flares of opposite sex.. We don't do it intentionally., still we do it.. thats what matters.. if you and him , starts believing in ya true bond., i can assure that doesn't need any compromises...

Friendship is something that can be felt.. its not like love.. u can feel the warmth directly., there will be no expectations, there will be no distinctions.. Friends to help us and tend to help us when we are in trouble., thats a instinct.. but true bonds., really makes ya feel for him/her..

We should respect each and everyone around ya with out any respect to anything.. I'm sure that will make ya world blossomed with blessings and am righteous that pure smiles from anyones heart will make ya day the best...

Shape of my heart is not square., but who cares about the shape.. its made of flesh., that pumps blood.. this flesh is the composition of our friends and family.. the blood is the feelings/actions.. we should be ready to accept the bad blood and be working hard to pump out the pure ones.. and am sure., days passing., you will never be compromising anymore..!!

Love you all my friends., This is dedicated to you all..


Aizy

A Beautiful Mind !

Thanx buddies For ur sweet COmments.. It makes Me to write more!!

I was loosing my mind over two beautiful movies which i saw yesterday..!!

First i should be saying abt the day., after being so busy for a fortnight., when go into idle mood., silence haunts you., words get stuck., wind seems to be too dry., ur heart beats a little slower..
so i decided to catch up with sumthng that makes my brain from becoming out-of-order..

I got these two beautiful movies... "Seducing Mr. Perfect" & "The Professional".. Both being classy in thier own grounds..

The first one was a korean-english movie with a cute looking pair trying to search for the love they have hidden in them, the second one being a hitman's story with whom a 12 yr old gal fall in love.. I cant and dont want to spell the names of the actors in that korean movie.. The Professional had a awesome acting personnels like JEAN RENO, NATALIE PORTMAN, GARY OLDMAN..

I was wondering why natalie is depicting a bitchy kinda roles in most of her movies like closer.. but the thing about her is that she justifies her roles very well such that we dunt question a single moment.. Jean Reno is one class actor, whos been my favourite actor for long time.. He portrayed many cameo's and supporting characters.. i liked his roles in Da vinci code, Godzilla, M.I., etc..

Ok., Forget the roles and names.. Lemme dive into the emotions and expressions.. I can remember a dialogue from the crap movie called WILDTHINGS - 3;

"You won't remember, But you can never Forget"

Love is what i talk abt most of the time., cos it reveals itself in many many forms and preludes in each and every human being.. the characters coming alive in movies show that LOVE can be easily between a boss nd her secretary, between a guy of 40's and a gal in her teens..

Only things that waries off from the normality which proves the ample time space given to each and every single hearts of this vast universe is the fact that more than blossoms, the derailing happens most..

When people fall in love, they turn blind.. Its better that they stay like that., cos.. this world also proves a lot to the matter that suspicion and surrealism is something that is experienced by me, u, him and her!!

The true emotions when mixed with the little white lies always proved worthy.. when someone gets dumped, he/she feels deserted., thinks that lifes at par-end..!! my point of view suggests that each and every moment of life has its optimistic and pessimistic view.. Just that we got to find it in the way of the ur conscience!!

I too felt the same stuff., but got to know that., being optimistic shows that theres lots others in this world to love u., being pessimistic shows that theres one less in this world to love ya.. ha ha.. thats the way.. U get to know that taking what ever position u want to after this debacle will enlighten ya into a path that always shows prosperity..

Once., mahatma gandhi said., "if u can hit a bee with a stone, and if ya miss ya a elephant with the same stone., missing the elephant is more pleasurable.. cos failures are to be tasted by everyone., they provide the much more strong platform for ya next launch..

I try my best to bring out my left side of my brain.. one sms joke says "theres nothing left in ya right side, and theres nothing right on ya left side"..

A mind a.k.a ya brain is the most precious possession u can have.. It is the cpu of ya.. it controls ya.. keep it fresh., cos a beautiful mind never makes a collapse out of ya!!

will be back..

Aizy

Confused Soul !

Yes, Thats wat a earthly creature called me by.!

Well, Yesterday was on a kinda hangover.. Today also, i dint amuse myself to write on a fuzzy logic topic. So i decided to describe a member of a human race of whose personal details wont be revealed.. The thing is just to recapulate the characteristics and the behavorial anatomy of this alien for the martians..

I travel back to those greeny times, when everythng except indian cricket was almost same.. school times, the memory revived..

I could rave myself to the first instant where i met this so-called creature whom belongs to the fairer sex by mistake.. hmm, rather fortunate.. I was bein told abt her by my friends as she was prevailing as the worthy championship between the hungry eyes of the vulturous guys!!

The moment i met, i was kinda hit by the aura which was missin from the background.. I was on a warfare.. The smiles and eyes are the weapons and other statistics were really out of bounds.. She talked with so ease., the flow and presence was gifted.. it was complemented by the words and looks..

Travelling little further ahead, both became so close as friends.., she used to be the commander in trade.. with so much brains and beauty., there comes a mis-balance between the both.. but she was like, sliding thru it very well.. cut to the specs. i started to find her more amusing not just becos of her attractive zero-count, but also it was her power to make people stick to her..

I fell in love, it was the perfect the recipe for a romantic movie.. as simple as that., but whats there in life if tragedy dint hit u.. tables turned.. i went on a loose trial which made me distanced from her.. she forgotten the simple basics to hold me back., and i was even bad that i lost my base..

Schooling ended., life was moving very fast in their own lanes, people say, that it is very difficult to forget the ones whom u had it truely in ya heart,. i deny it.. it is not very difficult to forget.. but., the simple fact i got by this 4 year gap was this : "YOU CAN FORGET TO THINK ; but YOU CAN NEVER THINK TO FORGET"

When i met her back thru this vast world of www., we were on a choked position.., she was as clear as water as usual., me thru 2 relationships already found myself wrecked infront of her.. words got stuck.. wanted to apologize.. but the guilt was started to replaced by false-ego.. i was not in a position to redeem myself.. time was goin..

She was too sweet to me., i found her more apropriate.. more simple this time.. Now we dont have the option of gettin back., the single door left out was the pathway of smooth friendship., which can only direct u to happiness and no fuss..

I confessed, i conferred, i condemned, i confused, i consoled, i conjucated, i complemented, i controlled, i cared, i complimented, i couched, i crawled, i crippled, infront of her..

I was showing my true feelings, i showed my true love.. she's more beautiful when she accepted it with a smile saying that she is fine with me..

All these years for which she hated me was forgotten, forgiven, foreseen.. I was on a blue mountain, playin in the water of blue spring tryin to catch the fumes of a blue cloud.!!

I was back.. I played softly, i found my shape of heart..

She still says me a "CONFUSED SOUL".. that is her..

She knows well now that
i LOVE her..

Aizy

Let Darkness Fall..!!

iT iS betteR tO bE hateD foR whaT yoU arE thaN tO bE loveD foR whaT yoU arE noT ...

One of my friend's reply for his relationship status!!


Today i had this sleep at a rather odd hours at around 3pm.. i was on progress with a nightmarish journey with a demon.. sudden surge of blood in my brain woke me up., i was on primal fear, my forehead covered with the essence of sweat.. i started my first view in a perplexed manner, searching for light amidst the darkness which filled my room..

At the moment of the eternal fear, we all search for our loved ones, we cherish the moments in which the negative thoughts were erased to nil which brings the sweet nectar of happiness.. our friends, family, heartfelt crushes...!!

but.. we suddenly get to know, that myth doesnt exist when we are in kinda situation which has a dead end and a no-return path.. that time is the perfect point one gets to know abt the real U..
ya..

i mean it..

when u stand nude, u get the importance of clothes, when u stay hungry, u get to know whats food for.. the eternal truth of what all greats like galileo, copernicus tried to prove is the fact that, nothing in this world is stale.. everythng has a change.. infact change is the only thing that doesnt change...

you believe in you at the point of death, u mull the defeats, u curse the satan of ya very own heart nd soul.. brain stops thinking..

well., relationships are what am sobbering now...!! people fall for it blindfolded.. unaware of the depth it has..!! the time he reaches the flat ground, the guy/gal loses his identity.. thats the first point what i was telling.. u woke up in primal fear.. unknown to do what u want to do..!!

am totally sided to the pure love.. but whats called pure.. even the gold has to be added with impurities to make it usable.. pure love., or near about pure love is something added to endangered spiecies..

i hate this world for this single fact that it kills the pure form..!!

i love this world for this single fact that it does kill the pure form..!!

Let the darkness fall...!!!

Aizy

End Of Days!!!

Beach life, Strafing on the shores, with the blue water gently kissing ya legs, you feel elated, mind excited... Come on.. Cut to Reality.. The noise pollution, air sookened with dust, water filled with impurities, materialised thinkings, sorroful yesterdays, painful loves, forgetable mornings..

Some day, Some day, Some life;
Why am i fixed at the vex of superlatives,
Life beckons; mind reckons;
I recall myself to a total apocalypse.,
The sudden burst of the small petals
into a full blossomed flower..,
A kid is always a kid, once it starts
thinking, it looses the blessed freshness, originality!
Its well said that mind is the devil's workshop,
Well said;

But why am i fixed at the vex of superlatives!

Everyone wants to be someone whom they aim for, sum kinda personlaity that affected them, rather, impressed them.. In this tiny world, everyone wanted to be unique.. but what we forget is.. We are all think alike, that we are unique.. so where is the plot missing..!??

Ask the same questions to u, ur friends, even to ya enemies (make them friends soon).. the answer will be simple.. some kinda numb n dumb replies which will have no relation with the context of topic..!!

Am too abstract, kinda coded in my thoughts.. my friends said..
Ya i am..

U have to decipher my words, u will feeel easy if u know me well.. if u wud have understood me well more!!.. but what abt those who dunno me.. the solution again is simple..!!

what my idea of this swarm full of sluggy ideas.. but slugginess is the easiest way to slip thru the hard path filled with stones!!

One things what my topic today suggests is that.. the end of sumthng is always a beginning.. Be yourself.. Dunt get urself in the line up of Xerox copies..!!

Rise your ideas, End is always ended with the letter D.. D means destory, Destiny, Destination.. but what if its a Direction to the path of Glory..

Think Once MOre!!

Aizy

What for Greek Created Alpha??

Was Wanderin around in the Jungle of Hocus-Pocus..!! The Sunlight dimming down makin me feel mild.. sudden surge of blood in my face.. veins are blocking my thinking.. i was about to faint.. Aint it looking like a better start for a dramatic novel..

Was gonna get sumthng which really feeds a lots of herds.. humans.. hecks.. topic is drifting towards the verge of point of no return..

well, in this world of quick returns there are lots of situations in which u feel lost.. but there will be a small streak of light which may be bcos of the small swarm bee.. the light which fills ya mind when ya feel blank is sumthn very precious.. sumthng not everyone is gifted with.. once u get ur way out of the ditch, u will be pure.. ur mind will be sacred.. ur soul will be blessed.. u will never commit a dumb act...

but., why then, people get stuck with materialism.. thats what alpha beta.. fuck it.. there are just two kinds of people.. the words of race, religion, region, herd everythng gets into the final wire of the two kinds of human im prescribing..

sumthngs..always proved is re-proved in theorems..!! theorems which makes the genrealised stuffs into a fact.. we dunt accept the facts.. but do believe in thoerems!! reality is that.. well, lemme come back...

two kinds of people.. as simple as that.. one who talks/say/write , another one who reads/follows/listen.. am i not giving a simple solution to the work piece of leonardo's da vince code!!.. see.. the thing is that.. it all depends on ya head!!..

now.. whats the connection between my topic and content.. lemme get it straight... since the greeks named it alpha, we get that alphabet.. A for apple is the first word anyone learns!!

World is blooming with love, lets not disrupt it.. LOve people., Love ur place..

Let Love be the language everyone talk, let relstionships be broadend, let people be same., let world be in peace!! Hail the Greeks..!!

Silence after the Storm

It was a Hard Week, was workin a lot, less foodin, less dozing.. well, the speciality is that i got to work with a few gifted people who are really gold at their heart, pure in their thinking, sweet in their words, cute in their looks and last but not least they are friendly.

I Used to wonder, why the fairer half is always a distant view. we comment, feel, fantasize, think, talk and even droop ourself with their actions and about their visuals. we never care to have a talk with them in such a way that we can understand what they are..

When time was flyin like hell, the sweet things really do matter in such a style that they get impressioned in ya conscience.. cut to the reality, when just a handpick days remaining in this wonderful world of living together in college hostel, the spat between two bunch of my friends made me upset.

They have their own views for what they call it as a decision making.. they hit eachother and have infinte looped arguments.. so, whats the inference of two things.. two entirely different things happening...

Gettin to know thw reality is what it matters, our own harrypotter world goes always sweet for us., life is not just abt living through, its striving hard to keep up our emotions intact in such a way we and our companions and even our opposite siders have some kinda respect for each one of us.. Taking the things differntly doesnt matter, but takin us in differnet stuff really do matter..

The world of happiness is acting on its own, the Satan of Sorrowness do try to attack it and there by trying to collapse the systematic things thats goin on.. But, u know what., heroes always win at the last until and unless its a movie.

I'm thankful to the four angels whom i met this week for making me out of something. i do respect all of my surrounding habitants and i dunt feel shame in getting down for sumone who is really worth for it.. Will be back guys!!

What What What..

had a good start.. well, people say that they expect a lot better from me.. am tryin/doing my best..

ok, coming to what i meant by the topic. WWW., the one and only survivor of the last century.. humanity has taken so many diversions from what its actually meant for.. the needs and deeds are different now.. technology is rising like hell.. they seems to overrule the mind and soul.

why., why this difference in sucha short period.. a generation change happens normally after 25 years.. but, i can feel a gr8 differnece in all prospective between my 10th and 20th age.. even BOND has changed his style from hot gals and too much hectic gadgets to simple phone and sexy sleek eva green..

when i started it was 1pm, and now its 8pm.. i had a gap.. so loss of continuity is
forgiven..

well, love and lust are too simple things minced together.. they are chewed in between the two worlds of guys and gals, and the result part is the worst.. what remains is the new cruel form of ditchin and dumping.. i have a friend who was dumped by his GF.. EX GF to be precise, well, the last traces she left in him was the sad face and the broken heart..

when tech is meetin emotions the unprecedented things are really amazing, the mobile phone is the best carrier of love than anyother thing this world has seen.. the fact that the online dating sites and community sites booming is the just the fact that the frsutration level is increased and the proportion is coming a near about 50 - 50, whn the old stats show that guys are the real buggers..

internet is the only culprit the time seems to travel faster. its kinda a future time
machine., i have seen and been the one who are addicted.. and i hope emotions relationships feelings love and what even lust and romance are being dried in that platform..

what i wud suggest is that let me start off fresh sumother time.. got hell loadz of worki promise and assure that, my random shit will be gud for ya eyes.. will cum more colorful even in my words.. bubye buddies

Once Upon Time there was a Story teller..!!

i know., things which make u feel good never stays with ya.

yesterday i was shittin the time asusual, sumthn unusual happened.. rather its usual.. i fell for a gal who used to be my best gal friend.. i did have the guts to say her even though its fresh start. but the thing i am happy abt this that "am not a rock without feelings"

now.. sumone comes and tells me tht am cheatin myself that am not in love., just feel the feelings, hear the sound of my heartbeats.. does it say the reality.. no, no, no, fuck it.

i was like, why sud the world which is so much of mysteries which never gives u proper answer when u need one.. but then i found out that its our need and its us who sud find and search the necessary things we need.. and i also found that, life sucks.. we have to reincarnate, i would rather say we need to search the real us inside the real us.. what the hell am i sayin..

i know that this bloggin doesnt happen with me, but see.. i could write 10 lines with such a flow.. then i realised that what i was sed.. i was prescribed this by a gal, who stole my heart. sumtimes true feelings makes ripples.. the sound which cant be heard explicitly.. thats the purity life renders everyone..

one thing to be noted.. am not gonna shit this place with what the hell i did today.. its all for the screwed up stuff im gettin mixed and minced in my brain.. thats why i kept such a topic "a for alpha" aint it sweet.. if not, bunk it. have started sumthn new.. wish me.. am all urs..